My plans = Fail.

So which would you rather have?

A) An awesome job you love with a shit commute or B) an OK job with a really short commute?

The correct answer for me is either, because right now I have both the crap job and crap commute.

This weekend DH and I were talking about some of the practicalities of our new abode, like my commute into DC. DH will only be 10 to 15 minutes from his job after the move and I will be at least an hour away and switching between 2-3 forms of transportation to get to my job. DH is the breadwinner and he plans to stay at the same company for at least 5 more years, I make about 1/3 of his pay and plan to get the fuck out asap, so it made the most sense for us to move closer to his job.

I have been looking for jobs with a shorter commute, but just like the rest of my year long job search, I haven't been having much luck. I have to keep this job until I find another one that pays the same or more for us to keep moving onward and upward, especially now that we have the responsibility of a real home. And even if I find something else within the next month, I have to stay at this job until we close on the house. The whole thing was making me feel a little freaked out and trapped. It's not like we bought a house that we couldn't afford, but if I wasn't working things would be pretty tight.

Anyway, I was getting really drained by the prospect and started venting about things to DH. I hate this job already and a shittier commute will just make things worse. I started talking about anything else I could possibly do to make money, nanny, waitress, lifeguard, all of which would be slightly ridiculous because they are the jobs I had in HS. Not to mention none of these would pay my salary now or are career oriented. DH started getting angry and said, "I thought you wanted to go back to work after we have kids?! You said you wanted to stay home for a few years but go back when they start going to school? What happened to that, you can't do that if you quit your job now and nanny, you'll have no experience in your field, we had a plan, I had a plan, you would really be screwing up my plan..." etc, you get the drift.

Of course then I started crying (God I am lame) and start saying I'm sorry I'm screwing up your plan, thanks for caring about what I want to do, blah blah blah. DH says, "That's not what I meant and you know it, but you can't just make decisions like that right now, we just bought a house for God's sake," etc. Yes, he had a very valid point, but I am still crying.

Basically it came down to me saying, "Don't you think this whole year has fucked up my plans?! My plan was to work for a couple years in a job that actually had something to do with my degree, save some money, have kids, stay home with them for a few years and then go back to work. I have tried my hardest to find that job and can't get hired, and I find out I can't have kids on my own either, WTF can I do? None of this was part of my plan!" I hate that I broke down like that, but every once in a while it still happens. I had a good cry and made DH feel bad, (not my intention) and we both decided the best thing to do right now is to wait it out and see if anything comes up this month. I'm still sending those resumes, but I'm trying not to think too much about it for now until we're settled.

Instead I'm trying to focus on the things I can control and do right now, like making plans for moving and decorating the house. So many things are going so well for us right now, and that's what I should be thinking about. If nothing turns up by mid May maybe it's time to look into an alternate career path or 2.