TTC decision update

Well, looks like I will start back BC on Sunday. I've had the script sitting in the bottom of my purse since Wednesday after my Dr's appointment.

We made the decision because it's not medically necessary to TTC now. I believe my RE's words were: "You're completely normal and healthy besides the PCOS, you can be on BC as long as you like. Then we'll put you on Clomid if you don't ovulate the first month off, and keep going from there. Remember, you're only 22." ( Yes, I am perfectly aware of my age Dr, I don't need a reminder. I know I have plenty of years ahead of me to have children, the point is DH and I are perfectly equipped and ready for them now, or else I wouldn't be here.)

Regardless, we're waiting on the ovulatory drugs until we get some more of our shit together, DH would feel more comfortable if we went into this with a few more goals checked off our list. Although I'm still not super excited about waiting, I think this way it will be less stressful for both of us.

I should be happy to have such a great RE, a plan in place, no other IF problems etc etc. But I'm not. For whatever reason I feel like I am right back to where I started 6 months ago, even though I have really come a long way. IDK, it just feels like some sort of failure, even though logically I know that's not true.

I have been on a juvenile rebellion against my body since last Wednesday. Slacking on my Metformin (which I guess I no longer need, uhg), eating chocolate, and I even had fried chicken during the Superbowl. All big no-no's, but I decided to say fuck it. Just one more unhealthy habit I have when on an emotional roller coaster, I become a glutton for self-punishment/hate…like a log cabin Republican. Of course my body responded to that hurts-so-good BS in the logical way, refusing to let me have a good poop for almost a week and then deciding the best way to get all these bad things out of me is by giving me the stomach flu Wednesday. You know, having the stomach flu sucked in it's own right, but being that nauseated and knowing there is absolutely no possibility it could be from being KU made it suck even harder. I barely got through work and my appointment that day.

Now that I am done violently expelling things from both ends of my digestive system, it's time to refocus these feelings into something mutually beneficial for mind and body. Tonight and tomorrow I plan on resting and actually having sex with my husband, since that hasn't happened in almost 2 weeks now, and then Sunday I'm going to re-evaluate that gym membership I keep saying is too expensive. We have a fitness room full of cardio equipment in our apartment complex, but I am so bored with the elliptical I could scream. After all, losing weight is one of those goals to check of the list, one of the few that is really a goal of mine specifically and not a shared goal with DH.

Thanking God it is Friday and this shitty week is over. I need to start fresh.